Never Easy

Yesterday, I made one of the most difficult decisions of my life, to this point. Due to unknown intestinal problems, I had to have my sweet dog, Ike, put down. Ike was the best dog in the world. I know a lot of people say that about their pets and we're all a little biased, but Ike was the best.

Ike was my buddy from day 1. He was so sweet and so gentle. I loved him so much. He was part of my family. I struggled as Courtney and I had to make a decision. He was beginning to suffer. I don't understand why. He wasn't even 10, yet. In my mind, I knew we had a few more years together. In fact, I had just told Ike he needed to get better because we had plenty of living left to do. He and I talked a lot. Well, I talked. He just looked at me with his soft eyes and wagged his tail. :) We walked around outside and talked about things going on. We did this everyday. He was more than just a pet. I got Ike when I was 17. I had almost 10 years with him. It wasn't long enough. But, I guess it never is...

The hardest part of this decision was I chose to put him down... It was my choice. I was doing the right thing. I was being responsible. I was doing what was best for him... But, I still chose to do it. That's where I'm stuck. I'm struggling with that decision. I loved my buddy very much and I can't help but feel that I took his life from him. Don't get me wrong. I understand it was the right thing to do. I couldn't let him suffer. He was suffering. Dogs can't tell you they don't feel well. They can't tell you where it hurts. When they get sick, they want to go hide. It's just the way it is. I couldn't fix him. I couldn't make it all better. All I could do was love on him and take away the pain.

One of Ike's favorite things was to eat. We called every meal breakfast. I would fill the mug with food and take it to his bowl. He would spin around and circles and get so happy that he was getting fed. We called it his breakfast dance. Everyday he did this. Part of him getting sick involved him not being able to keep food down. In fact, it wasn't even getting to his stomach. It would go in and it would come back out a few hours later. Yet, everyday, he got so excited to eat. I miss that. I missed that this morning. Today, I only fed Sasha. Today, I walked Sasha and talked to her. Sasha is Courtney's pug mix. I love Sasha, too, but Ike was my buddy. I miss him.

I want to think of the happy times. I think about when I first got Ike. I think about the fun we had outside. I remember falling asleep with him. I think about playing fetch... although he never understood he was to bring the ball back. I remember he and Sasha wrestling. I remember going downstairs and having him knock me over trying to beat me. I remember happy times. I also remember times I ignored him. I remember not making him a priority. I don't like those thoughts. I regret not spending more time with him. I regret not putting him first when I had the time.

In a lot of ways, I equate this with our Heavenly Father. Even though I didn't always focus on Ike and even though I got angry with him at times, he loved me unconditionally. He never held a grudge. He never wanted me to leave, but I had to go to work. He would be sad, but he would be so excited every time I returned home. I know I do that to God all the time. I walk away from Him. I don't love Him the way I should. I get angry with Him. I push Him aside because I'm busy with something else. Yet, He loves me unconditionally. That's something that goes far beyond my realm of comprehension. That's a lesson that I'm still trying to learn. I think I have a glimpse of God's love because I've had Ike in my life.

Maybe that's too far of a stretch, but it makes sense to me. I really do miss my Ikey. I know it will get easier, but nothing will ever replace him. Ike was special. He really was the world's best dog. There will never be another. I may have another dog someday, but that dog won't be Ikey. Ike will be missed so much by the family.

-Just my thoughts...