It's Not About Me

What a weekend!! It was completely and totally exhausting... On Friday, Courtney and I enjoyed a wonderful evening with Drew and Kim (and their kids). Saturday, we had choir rehearsal in the morning, a quick lunch break, Courtney taught private lessons, Saturday evening rehearsal, Saturday evening service, Saturday evening cleanup, and then a late dinner with friends. Sunday, we enjoyed two morning services, a lunch date for the two of us, a quick stop at home to change clothes (and see the Steelers were beating the Vikings), back to the church for Uprising set-up, Uprising rehearsal, Uprising service, Uprising cleanup, and then finally home to be with my wife... for about 30 minutes before she fell asleep. It was super busy and exhausting.

So, what did I learn from this weekend?? Well, Uprising turned about to be a struggle... for me... I struggled with the way we sounded as a band. I struggled with the attitude that came with the band members. I struggled with how unprepared we were as a group. I struggled with being a leader. I struggled. It was bad enough, I ended up staying up late to process through what happened and what my role is supposed to be with this group. I want to help. I want to lead. I want to worship lead with these youth. I want to train them. I want to teach them about God. I want to teach them about worship. I want to do so much with them. and... I feel like it's not going anywhere. My efforts go without result. So, I blamed myself. It's my fault they're complacent. It's my fault their apathetic. It's my fault they don't play in tune. It's my fault we fell on our faces Sunday night. It's my fault.

Then God reminded me of a verse in I Corinthians 15... "be enthusiastic about the Lord’s work, because nothing I do for the Lord is ever useless." Once this verse came to mind, I was able to fall asleep. It took a long while to get to that point. But, if it wasn't for God's grace, I may still be awake trying to figure all this out. Once this verse hit me, I realized that it's not about me. It's not about what I do. It's not about my efforts. It's not about my energy. It's not about my plan. It's not about my teaching. It's not about what I know. It's not about what I want to pass on. It's not about anything other than God. I believe that--- or so I thought I did. I realize now that understanding the "it's not about me" principle is a lifelong journey. I can't force things. I am only responsible for who I am and what I do. I can only answer to God for me. On that day, I will be all alone. So, it's not about me, it's up to me. God has surrounded me with godly friends who are helping me through this journey.

It's not about me...

-Just my thoughts...